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dec 28, 2003 - 3:00 am - Nick got me the Beatles anthology dvd for christmas. The thing I get more then anything else out of it - is that they were a group. No matter how dope each one is individually - together they were so much more.

The other thing I was thinking about was that each of the beatles were born in England during World War 2 . So they were right in it from go.

Since I was born in 1962 World War 2 always seemed a lifetime away . Its strange how time is. Right now the 80's are as far from me as world war 2 was at my birth and through my childhood.

dec 21, 2003 -2:00 a.m. -- Funny story: On Thursday I had a million things to do - including fixing a flat on my buddies car. I went to the station to get some "Fix a Flat" so I could at least get around for the night . The can back fired -so I wanted another. Here is where the story begins. I went into to return the malfunctioning can of "Fix A Flat" and the register guy said he couldn't do that - he did not speak English well - so it was hard to communicate. Any way --I was a big asshole - yelling at him etc. - It was like all the holiday stress hit at once and this guy was going to get it all. So then this Arab - mechanic -guy comes from the back to cool the situation. He was about 33 - handsome - . He says: "lets go check your tire out." At this point the mechanic fixes the valve (which was messed up) and fills the tire up for me. The mechanic tells me that if I can leave the car for 20 minutes sometime they could fix the tire for good. At this point I was both sorry and amused by my own bullshit. I apologize to the guy and told him I needed to go in and apologize to the register guy. They both laughed, shook my hand and said: "no problem". I'm sure they deal with bullshit like what I put out every day. Merry Christmas.

dec. 18, 2003 --Chief takes out the trash. A quick time movie I made of Chief helping out around the house.

december 16, 2003 - 4:09 pm-- been getting on all the holiday stuff with Nick. Its a crazy time of year and sometimes I forget that the point is to have fun. We went out for a late dinner with John G. last night . We went to an old DC jont- had fun. Gorelski is funny - especailly after a few.

december 15, 2003 - 3:28 pm-- had a great weekend. Me and Bob did Blowoff on friday night in Charlotsville and on Saturday in D.C.. Both nights were fun- last night was great. We're taking a month off so it was good to end the year on such a high note. I'm very fond of the guys who turn out each week.

I've been feeling a real need to connect with people. Not sure if its the holidays - or what. But when I look at this year compared to last - my place is so different. Last year was about being in a fog of want - which nearly made me skrew up everything I have. This year has been more about seeing people for what they are , being ok with that , and offering what I can in return- regardless. I'm not talking about some sort of saintly crap- just in a human way.. Don't get me wrong - I'm still no hippie --

I'm singing in the wind .... music.

december 12, 2003 --Its all about moments. You think its about the long haul - its not. My dad called today. Just to talk. We talked for about 10 minutes.

december 9, 2003 - 10:10 pm- I've been thinking about the different people in my life at the moment. Although a lot of business stuff can stress me out - it all comes down to the dynamics between the people involved. Its funny how its always that simple and that confusing. Its funny how love is. When you think its gone away it comes back. I wonder if guys in the suburbs fall in love with their neighbors even if they know there is no way they will ever be loved back? Its funny who stays on my mind...... Find a law that you can beak..

Paddy stopped by earlier. still sweet. we had fun.

So don't leave without knowing - the things that were going- through the head of the beast - without knowing

I spoke with Craig yesterday. It was real good to talk with him. He's a good guy - I'm glad I've gotten to work with him and know him.

december 9, 2003 -- 5:40 a.m. - been watching "Angel's in America" on HBO. It's reminded me of a big part of what the 80's was like.

I remember in 1987 my housemate Greg had passed out on the bathroom floor. He had been sick. We (my bf David and friend Rob) had to take him to the hospital. He had a fever of 104 +. It was 3 in the morning. At the hospital they put him in an ice bath to bring down his temperature. The doctor told us to call his mom and dad because he thought Greg was dying. Greg's folks didn't even know he was sick- let alone what he had. My buddy Rob called Greg's parents. When they came down it fell on us to tell them what was going on. Greg's mom said nothing. Greg's dad cried. When me and David and Rob left the hospital we stopped off for breakfast. I went straight to work from there. A long time ago now.

Greg was 28 - I was 24.

december 9 , 2003 --Went down to see Nick's actors workshop production. Very cool. Both Nick and John G are so into it and so good. We all went out for a drink afterwards - had fun.

Had a meeting with Deep Dish to finalize the album. It was a good meeting. We go back 7 + years now .Its pretty easy to communicate. Sometimes a get pissed about business stuff but I still like those guys when ever we hang out. Sharam still seems slightly crazy to me. In a good way. Ali is the same. We're set on the new record just have to tighten up a few of the mixes. That's actually cool with me. Finally music.

december 7, 2003 -- had a great time at Blowoff last night. The guys who come are really sweet and fun to hang out with. Since we've been doing it weekly I've been getting to know a few of them very well.

dec 5, 2003 -- 3:30 a.m. -- me and Bob had lunch today with Seth and Donna from the 9:30 club. We're going to do 2 more Blowoff's in December at the 9:30 and then break for a month . Last night the band came over. It was good to see the guys. We had fun.

Afterwards I hooked up with a buddy of mine from LA - Daniel -- He was in DC just for the night. A fun time was had by all.

nov 30 - 2003 - 11:00 p.m. - I did Blowoff last night. Had fun. Nice crowd- I got a great new record called "Screaming trees" - by The London Beatmasters.

Afterwards I met Desmond Williams. Nice guy. Makes good music.

nov. 27 , 2003 -11:30 p.m. - There are times when I think that everyone knows life, family and love better then I do. I get the crazy idea that the day to day lives of the rest of the world are always like the beginning- always fresh fruit. I start to think about the individual moments in life. The moments that when strung together make up happiness. I don't usually regognize these moments while they are happening. For me they are the moments when everything seems right in the world.

When I was a kid my dad took me to see the fireworks on the 4th. We lived outside of Boston and went to the local fireworks show. It was the first time I had ever been to the fire works. We sat on my dad's old military blanket. It was one of those itchy green wool blankets. The fire works were the loudest things I had ever heard. That's only part of the reason I remember it.

It's thanksgiving.

nov. 26, 2003 - I got back yesterday from visiting my folks. My mom was good- my dad is doing o.k.- considering. Its tuff. My dad's concerned about taking care of my Mom if he should go first. My mom is pretty reclusive and if she is on her own he's concerned she would never see anyone. My dad is a good guy.

My folks are going to sell the house. Its the house I grew up in- and while I'm not attached to it - it does hold a lot. I think the move will be tuff on them - they've been there for 40 years.

The other thing I was thinking about: At this point my folks know for sure that they will be together until the "death do us part". They've passed through all the hard parts of keeping a marriage together. It's not like it's all perfect for them now - but the option of leaving is less real. I think one of the hardest parts of keeping a relationship together is having the option to leave.

nov. 21 , 2003 -- 2:00 PM -- on the train to Boston.

Last night I went to Jack's opening with David Armstrong and Joey. It was great hanging with those two. Jack's opening was filled with New York art stars- plus NYC celeb types. My friend Michael showed up with Tatum O'neil --. My only reference for her is "Paper Moon"- Needless to say If he didn't introduce her to me I wouldn't have recognized her. After the opening we were invited to a dinner party for Jack - on the upper east side - at Richard and Tom's place. It was reminiscent of a independent 80's New York art movie-- you know the drill- two queens with a 10 million dollar art collection throw a party for the artists and his low life friends. They both were very gracious hosts and sweet men to boot. Some porn start Jack Palmer was there - The third floor bedroom turned into a bit of an orgy until the fire alarm went off and the NYC fire department showed up. That's where the movie would start. The food was deluxe. I had fun chatting with sexy New Yorkers and a few wealthy Brits who actually pay for art. There were two Tom of Finland sketch's in the bathroom-- very sexy pencil drawings of threeways with Lumber Jacks. I mentioned them to Jack and he said--" I hope my Dad doesn't have to use the bathroom." His dad was in town for the opening.

Joey looked great - which is amazing given his/her history. Joey has a new boyfriend Jim. Jim is an investment banker - world cup sailor guy- very handsome- rugged type. Apparently Joey is the second queen he's been involved with - otherwise Jim has only been with women. After he had a lot of wine I asked him about it- because it is something that is hard for me to get wrapped around-- If you like guys - you like guys- if you like girls you like girls-- but the guys who are into queens - they are an odd bunch. Un like most of Joey's boy friends that I've met he was very cool and comfortable with all of us -- sometimes Joey's boyfriends look down on homos and artists - (as if Joey were actually a woman). Jim was different- He said he was into Joey because Joey was 'Hyper" woman -- super smart- sexual - aggressive- I said that could have something to do with his dick........ Jim smiled . Anyway- Joey looked great and was as funny as ever to hang with-- His boyfriend Jim made his look even more believable....

Me Joey, Jack, and Jim where the last to leave the party . Joey wanted to go out to a club called Plaid. We asked the hosts if they wanted to come with us- they passed. The club was what I expected from Joey -- We had fun- Jack introduced me to Larry T - which was fun. He was nice.

Around 3:00 A.M. me and Jack left. I hugged Joey and shook hands with Jim. Jack walked me back to the hotel. Jack is real sweet and looks great--I don't think he knows how good he looks. His show was stunning as well. I hugged Jack good night.

nov. 20 , 2003 - 2:58- I'm on the train to NYC. The train I was going to take was an hour late so I wound up taking the one that was scheduled after it. It pissed me off but after a hot dog and diet coke I'm more grounded.

I picked up Spin magazine for the ride. I don't read spin so I'm a bit out of the loop as far as Spin's relevance to the music scene- or fashion scene - or whatever scene pop magazines are about these days. One of the guys from the Strokes is on the cover. I read the story about them- I think the average age of that band is about 22-- How come its cool now to wear old rock concert shirts - or new shirts made to look like old rock shirts? I think its only cool to wear old rock concert shirts if you actually went to the show---thats the rule. The rock shirts used to be about being into a band because you went to a show . Now everybody wears 25 year old band tees because some new York -queen- fashion- guru has deemed them fashionable. The funny thing is if everybody followed my rule the guys wearing the Zeppelin shirts would be middle aged daddies with a bit of a gut and a mortgage--That's way sexier anyhow.

I noticed at least 3 references to Zeppelin within Spin magazine- (either in reviews or interviews). Zeppelin was a great band- one of the only white bands that are both heavy and funky (Check out "Trampled Under Foot" if you need proof)- but why so much talk about a band that's been gone for 20 plus years? And why are all these kids sporting shirts with images from the same time? I --- I 'm not really up on what the kids are feeling so I won't try and figure it out- I do know that when I was a kid I wouldn't be caught dead in a T-shirt from a show my dad had seen 25 years before . But then again my dad didn't see the Clash's first American tour. He did buy me the tickets though.

nov. 20 , 2003 - 1:25 am-- going up to nyc tomorrow - and then to visit my folks on friday. I'm going to hook up with David and Joey and go to Jack's opening. I don't think the three of us have been together since about 10 years ago. We used to hang out back when we all lived in Boston in the mid 80's. Joey was more of a boy then. It was a fun time. Its been almost 20 years since then. WOW -- or "ouch" as David would say. It's all good. I'm looking forward to it.

I had a lot of loose ends to pull together this week. It's the stuff I like least. I'm glad its done and I'm glad I'm getting away for a couple days.

nov. 18 2003 - 1:00 am-- This guy - Desmond williams - asked me if I would sing on a cover he is doing of "Smells Like Teen Spirit". We spoke on the phone a few times- I haven't met him in person yet. -- "Teen Spirit" is loaded for me. Its hard to imagine getting in the room with it. He emailed me the track tonight - Its so dubbed out - it wraps around you. Not sure if it will go.

The past few days I have felt so connected and human. Sometimes I forget I'm living -- you know - there's so much in front of you its hard to see it. These days I see it.

An old man told me years ago- that if he could live his life all over again - he wouldn't change a thing --- except he wouldn't stress or worry about anything. Good plan.

I'm going to visit my folks at the end of the week. It will be good to see them.

nov 17, 2003 - 4:49 am-- I think almost everything is genetic.

When you're talking with someone you try and convince them to adopt your view. It can be as simple as liking a song or who's sexy - or it can be as continual as whether or not we should have the death penalty. You can't change someone's mind through the course of a conversation. Why do we want to? My friend Dan says that all conversation is basically two people saying whether or not they like each other. I'm such an old man - at this point I only talk with people I like. I don't want to waste time.

I talked to my buddy David in nyc. We've been friends for about 20 years. Has I get older I don't see my friends as older. They may look older - but we still relate as we did when we first became friends. David sounded ok - all things considered. We're going to try and hook up this week .

For the record I'm against the death penalty and digging the new Outkast record. As far as who's sexy -- well -- that's genetic.

nov 15, 2003 - 5:50 a.m.---just got back from a BLOWOFF gig in Charlottesville. We had the best time. The club was packed with super sexy friendly people- who were out to have fun .Charlottesville is a college town - its funny how different the vibe is when you get away from Dc - or any big city. On the way back to DC we almost ran out of gas because Bob was day dreaming. -- it was a fun night.

nov 13, 2003-- finished mixing the record (for now). I think we're going to call it "EVERYONE'S SECOND LANGUAGE"-

nov. 9, 2003 --- great night at Blowoff in dc tonight. We've been doing it for about 2 months at the 9:30 club and its really becoming its own thing.The regular crew is great- they feel the music and always make it fun. Ali and Jenn came down tonight as well. I was psyched to see them- Its almost 6 am- been up talking with Nick since I got home. Time to crash.

nov.8 2003 -- last night I stayed in - worked in the studio.I called Jack Pierson . He is going to do the cover for the new Morel cd. He's psyched - I am going to send him a copy of the record so he can get the vibe. Jack's an old friend . I've known him since I lived in Boston in the 80's. He is incredibly charming and fun to hang out with.

nov.7 2003 - am- finished up mix of "I'll do what I can not to touch you" . Bob came over this afternoon- we hung out. Was supposed to hook up with Sharam and Ali tonight but they were jet lagged and moving. I went out for tea with a friend from Blowoff. Came home and worked in the studio.

nov. 6 - 2003 --3:57 am --The power was off and on tonight. I worked in the studio when the power was on. I worked on "I'll Do What I Can Not To Touch You" . I made the mix heavier and funkier . I did an extended mix as well as an album mix. I've just now been able to focus on the detail work for the new record.

I had fun talking on the phone tonight while the power was out. Its late .

nov. 5- 2003 -1:55 a.m. - Monday afternoon my manager Richard came to town from Austin TX to sort business- and hang some. Garry was also down from NYC. Last night they all came over to my house- Paddy and Rob came by as well. We listened to tracks for the new Morel record for Yoshi. Garry cooked pasta for us. The pasta was great.

Garry is a sweet man who's been in the industry for some time. At times he seems fragile- almost breakable-like he could fall over. I think that's why I like hanging with him. We talked about music - photo's (Jack Peirson) -porno - hard ons -- Brittany ---- Garry wants to change his name to Snick Snack - at least for Christmas.

After eating we (me , Richard and Gary) went to Baltimore to check out a band .Richard likes their demo so he wanted to see them. Garry had to switch from Beer to liquor to get through the set. He wasn't feeling it. .. Frank was there - who I am very fond of .

Tuesday- we (me, Richard and Garry) had a meeting with my label. It went well- mid meeting Garry suggested I hire a number of sexy guys to be me and do in - stores and promotion etc. I love that Idea- I 'd love to set that up- I'd have fun picking them but sometimes I think my view of sexy doesn't translate to the masses. Anyway - I thought it would make a dope video - I would be the dirty old man. The funny thing is that me being a dirty old man isn't much of a stretch.

After the meeting we had lunch with Bob at Trios on 17th street. We talked business plus some fun. Bob picked 17th street - which has good looking views. Garry picked up the check.

Now tonight. I've been tuning up mixes for the new Morel record- I was up early today so everything is a bit fuzzy- . I'll have to get back on it tomorrow.

nov. 3 2003 -- 1:30 AM - Nick took me to see Dame Edna up in Baltimore - The show was a riot - very campy - very funny.

nov. 2 2003 - 5:15 A.M. -- Did Blowoff with Bob tonight in DC.- Had great time- very fun- sexy crowd - and the music was tight. Time to sleep - before I say more.

Nov. 1, 2003 -- 2:59 A.M. -- was in tonight- worked in the studio some- tightening a mix of "If you Love Me"- It's going to be on the new record.. It's got a line in it-"I wish I was you and you were someone else" -my friend Garry called and asked about that lyric cause he liked it -He said he was stuck on it because he wasn't sure what it meant -I'm not sure ---. I just saw a video for a song called "Soccer Practice " by Johnny Mcgovern. It's a kind of a homo electro thing- The video is great- - I'm gonna play it tomorrow night at Blowoff.

oct. 31 , 2003 -- 1:30 a.m. -- here's whats up with the new morel record. We've got a good amount of songs and I need to figure what songs work together to get it over. It s not my favorite part of the process. I'm also doing alternative mixes of some of the tracks as well. Cheerful. . Everybody on the business side thinks about sales and details that you never think about while your making the record.. Some ones got to bring home the bacon. It changes the purpose.It changes the end.You have to find a way to get around it.

Played with the guys tonight. Paddy stuck around after to track bass on "If you love me" . That was fun- got a little out. Feeling my kind of lonely.

oct. 30 , 2003 -- been a while. The point on here for the past 2 years hasn't been long entries. Its been more of a day to day. Since I've not updated it in some time here is a list of what has been happening. Morel- finishing new record-new management-clean up time- focus shift. Blowoff - more shows -weekly- fun- listening to tons of new music-show in Chicago-cmj party in nyc. - deep dish-worked on new songs- ichat-chill. -hang out - shows - Justin Timberlake - Marylin Manson (tight show)- Interpol. Chief-- my buddy.Home- safe.

september 11, 2003 - here's the deal- half the crap I've been thinking about lately is not suitable for this venue. That's why I haven't been writing here. There are moments in your life when all the events leading up to those moments cause a huge shift in how you look at things and what you care about. You can't see it coming - its like a car crash - . Ideas and people that were once the center of it - all of a sudden aren't even in it. Its not necessarily bad. The thing is this time around I can see the road that got me here. When things don't go your way either you get stuck in a loop- or you move on- leaving the rest behind. I always thought it was big events- like death- or blindness - that really change a man. The thing is for most of us its the small things that change us. That's why its hard to see.

august 23, 2003 --3:10 am ----here you go. Friday night . Went out down town with bob.Went to aaron's party corruption for a bit . Then we got a bite to eat. I'm such an old man its funny. The weeks been ruff. Things have changed - for the better. But the change can really take it out of you..... an old man with a hard on.

august 4, 2003 -- 11:00 pm-- In the studio. I think I'm waiting for winter . The summer throws me off a bit. I like it some- but its a distraction. I guess thats what is good about it.

august 1, 2003 -- On wednesday night I went downtown to hang with Ali - had a great time- we went out for sushi . We talked about monogamy. The thing about monogamy is that its easy until your in the room with someone you want. We didn't come to any conclusions - except its tuff for guys. We also talked about business stuff- the music business can be really tuff. I love music and love making music - but taking care of the business side sucks- One of the rubs is that everyone in the music biz has incredible egos - (myself included) - and for that reason things can sometimes get lost. We're both dealing with a lot of the same issues so it was great to hang and talk about it.

Ali gave me three tracks that they have been working on- I worked on one of the songs as soon as I got home- its down tempo - great vibe- words came to me quickly.

One of the other tracks is something they did with Planet Funk- its 12 minutes (which for deep dish is about right) - its dark and funky- very cool.

I got my ibook back so I'll be back on this thing..........

july 27, 2003 --great weekend. On friday night we (myself, Nick, Bob and Kevin) went out to dinner with Seth , his wife Caroline and Chad from the 9:30 club.

Seth took us to a great place called the Afghan Grill in DC. Seth is a funny guy - he's a very robust - full of life - macho--loud-- kind of guy. He ordered for the whole table - making sure it was all great. Seth is the kind of guy that is super sexy when your with him - everyone is aware of it - but never says it.

Its really hard to put your finger on what makes some people sexy - some people its easy- just the way they look- but that wears off real quick-- when its more of a personality thing- more about their way-- that's when its really powerful. Seth is one of those guys-

Anyway - looks like we'll be moving Blowoff to the 9:30 club this fall-- Its a great fit - I'm psyched.

july 25, 2003-- my ibook is in the shop-- For now I'll be writing this from my studio computer. I usually write this blogger from the Ibook--Its mobile and free. Here's an update-

On Wednesday night (july 23) I hooked up with Sharam for dinner. I haven't had a chance to hang with him in sometime. It was great to see him and get up to date on where we both are at. He looked great - kind of like a freedom fighting hippy. Sometimes in the music business all this stuff can get between you and the guys you work and hang with. Its easy to forget why you hung out in the first place. I guess life is like that. -- Me and Sharam have a long history together. Whenever we get a chance to hang out I remember all the things a really like about him.

Last weekend (july 19th) was crazy-- Me and Bob had a Blowoff party scheduled for Saturday night. Around 3:00 am on Friday night Chris from the club called to let me know the club had been shut down. This was particularly bad because the Washington Post had done a feature story on Blowoff .....So all day Saturday me and Bob called and looked for an alternative venue.. Around 7:00 PM the 9:30 club called me to ask if we wanted to bring the party there--- It wound up being a great night - in fact it was the Best Blowoff to date---I wish I could have known this was what would have happened at 3:00 am when Chris first called me......

I remember years ago (when I was about 20) I was hanging with an older guy in Boston - he was talking about his life and all the crazy stuff he went through in the 60's-70's (including the Vietnam war). I asked him if he would have changed anything about his life -- He said if he could - he would do everything exactly the same-- except he would spend no time worrying. That was some of the best advice I have ever gotten. I spent one night with the guy but I think about him every time things get crazy.

july 14, 2003 --12:30 a.m. -- I came down to the beach for a couple of days. My sister is here with her two boys. We went down to the boardwalk. Its great going with my nephews because I can ride the rides with them and have a blast. It's funny - you see all these middle aged guys with tattoos pushing strollers and riding rides with their kids. You know that the Tattoo's original intent was to live a much more rebellious live. Its still very sexy. In a way its more sexy.

My dad was with us as well. Its tuff sometimes to see him get older. I still see him as the "big boss" - I don't think your dad ever looses that position. Now he's older and in many ways much easier. Its still hard for me to talk to him on some level. Not sure why that is. There are a lot of things that I want to say - but they always get lost. Neither of us are any good at talking about personal stuff.

july 12,2003 -- 1:15 AM --this afternoon I went with Bob to pick up some posters he had printed at a print shop we use in DC. It was the first time that Bob had come over there with me. Its got a cool / weird vibe. -Bob said- " oh yea that print shop vibe". Its kind of old timey . Werner runs the place. He is very sweet- very German. The shop has no windows and bunch of computers and printing machines. Its only guys working there. The shop runs 24 hours a day. They've called me at 3:00 in the morning because there was a rub with a job they were doing.. I'm up at 3:00 a.m. anyway..-I wonder if their other clients are up at that hour ? I liked them even more because they called me so late.

Sometimes you think the whole world is like your day.

july 11, 2003-- Did some phone interviews this morning- then hung with Bob downtown most of the day. Had fun. Hooked up with his friend Blaine- and Steve. Steve always makes me laugh. He looked great as well. Blaine was fun too- very easy to hang with and good to look at as well. Blaine is a DJ - we went over to his place to hang for a bit. His place was dope-- he used these Craftsman tool cabinets as night tables-- you know the red and gray metal cabinets you get at Sears -- I don't want to get all House and Garden on here but it is a dope idea-- it looked all industrial and sexy.

july 10, 2003 ---12:50 a.m. ----I bought some peaches a couple days ago at the market. The thing with peaches is that you have about a 5 minute window. For that 5 minutes the peach will be perfectly ripe. If you miss it- (never put off eating your peach) --when you return your peach will be too ripe. My peaches are ripe now- I ate 2 of them.There's one left.... By the time I finish this- it may have turned...Like that Stranglers' song.

july 9, 2003 -- Ran around here all day now. Phone calls drown -When you drive around --no stopping for nicotine. Studio making no one sound -- Make my needs go down-- If you'd stick around--no stopping for nicotine.

july 7,2003-- went downtown to do an interview with Bob (about Blowoff ) for the Washington Post . The interview was fun - Fritz was very sweet. I was a bit slow - Sometimes when I'm asked simple questions like what I'm working on now- what I'm listening to--etc- I go blank. No nicotine. Its fun doing interviews with Bob because half the time I can sit back and enjoy the conversation. When it comes out I'll post a link - Unless its a drag.

Afterwards I hung with Bob downtown. Had fun. The rain stopped. Its not like everything is so great for everyone right now- but we still had fun. no nicotine.

We ran into John- he's started a blog. Its funny someone as good looking and smart as John is so shy. I guess that's part of the reason he is so sweet..

Its summer- the sexy seems to be all around. Heaven loves you- when you're a boy... Its all I know. Its all everyone around me knows.

july 5,2003-- had low key fun time yesterday- went with nick to see our local fireworks-Haven't been in years. It's funny to see your neighborhood all out and about. I didn't know anyone. A local guy sang the national anthem. Its funny being an American - Until late I didn't think much about it. You wear it well---and its great..Also stopped by john's last night. Had fun there - but then we went to a party next door- kinda of an older frat boy type thing. Funny testosterone show.Not my scene.

The other night we watched a dvd of the Ed Sullivan shows that the Beatles played on in 63-64. Its the complete shows so the band plays 5 or six songs on each show. It is tight. Its also really innocent. Paul does a version of "yesterday" that is mind blowing. The amazing part of the dvd is to see the Beatles in context with the adds and other acts of the time. My dad sent me the dvd- glad he did.

july 4, 2003 -- 3:33 AM-- everyone just left- Paddy called from the car - he was listening to live Beatles. A year ago this blogger was all wrapped up in it. It was cool because everything I was writing was on it. Now I feel in-between - -I've still got a soft spot - only it doesn't hurt . Nick just got home. He's into this Edward Albee play. Its funny the understanding you have with someone you've been with for ten years. I was talking with the band tonight about how last year was really tuff for me and nick..- now that we're through it its great. I never kept any secrets - maybe thats why we got through it. Maybe thats why it was tuff on both of us instead of just me. The first rule of fight club -is you don't talk about fight club. O.K.- I'm still horny.

june 25,2003----had a very suburban day today. It was comfortable because it was familiar. I was thinking about how when you're young there's always an older guy who takes you in and shows you the digs. For me it was this guy Rob---He lived in the city...at the time he turned me on to john waters - club culture - all the underground stuff. Some would think those relationships are messed up- but they're crucial for us. They keep the whole thing going.

june 22, 2003 -- 5:42 a.m.-- just got back from the Blowoff gig tonight- Had a great time-- very sexy crowd- ( thanks to Shawn and Gill -- they really spread the word). We had some problems with the P.A.- but all in all it was a tight set--. Shirts were off- Its funny cause I'm such an old man but I'm completely into the disco party that me and Bob are making happen here. Afterwards me and Nick went out to eat with a bunch of friends- got home late. Its all good.

june 18, 2003- 2:45 a.m.- played some tonight- john hung out with me and nick after to have dinner. we had steak and veggies. John had a hat on. Finished up a new mix of a song I did with Carla called "All I Can Feel"-super electronic house thing- funky bass groove. .Bob got an add together for the Blowoff show Saturday. -- it looks tight. Booking some Morel shows for August with Clare Quilty ---I'll post the dates as soon as they are confirmed. Paddy got a house today-- I'm very happy for him and his family. Its all good.

june 17, 2003 -- 3:02 a.m.-- worked all day in the sudio-- had a ball. Sometimes its great to be alive. Played frisbee with Chief.

june 16, 2003--4:oo a.m.-worked all night in the studio- Kevin and Marco dropped by earlier in the evening on their Vespa's-- looks like they're having fun riding. I was barefoot. Summertime.

june 15, 2003--4:30 a.m . ---I've been working in the studio on a couple of electronic tracks- been using new software which has been a bit bumpy- still trying to feel it out creatively. Its funny because software is now the instrument -- using new music software is as different as writing on guitar versus piano.

I have a Tivo -- this thing has changed TV for me.One odd thing is that now whenever I watch TV-(which is usually around 3 in the morning) - I'm watching something I've taped. I just recently gotten into the Larry Sanders show- Tivo tapes about 2 shows a day - so pretty much anytime I kill watching TV - I've been watching the Larry Sanders show. I never saw it when it was on the first time. Anyway -- my point is -- when you watch a show frequently you feel like its part of your deal. I remember a couple years ago my friend David Armstrong was really into Cheers reruns. He said he felt as if they were his family-- he was half kidding. Its the same thing when you listen to music over and over- It creeps into your head -and becomes part of you. Its great.

june 11, 2003-- 3:00 A.M. --Got back from the beach -Chief was worn out- Hard to jump back into everything.

played with the band tonight-- It was John's birthday- he's 33-- Paddy got stung by a bee. It was his fault- he caught the bee in his hand---I thought wood bees don't sting- either they do or the bee was a not a wood bee.

Been emailing with a guy I met briefly at the last Blowoff. A nice guy. We have a big overlap on where we are now and where we've been. Its sexy.

june 9, 2003-- came down to the beach with chief to for a couple days. Nice to get away. No phone - no e-mail- no routine. Chief loves the ocean and its a lot of fun to go swimming with him. I got a chance to visit with my mom which was also good. Heading back to dc tonight.

june 7,2003--(5:00A.M.)--- Did a Blowoff radio interview at W.A.M.U. today with Bob- It was fun- David who did the interview was great and knew what we were about. Afterwards I hung out with Bob- we hooked up with Kevin and their friend Jay---he's a trip but very sweet. We also ran into John v.-- He's going to start an online web blogger and site at www.musicisavirus.com- he registered it today. We hung till around 8 pm.. Came home and worked in the studio all night. Been tweaking the club mix of I'll do what I can- The first pass I did has a great vibe - but it's a little too stoned...Dug out some old (20 year old) 12 inch singles -- they sound great but its funny how much slower the old club stuff is from whats happening today. I was going to go down and see Deep Dish- but I got into what I was doing and wasn't up for heading down to southeast d.c.---I'm never really up for heading down there. It's late- I have to crash.

june 5, 2003--- low day today- worked in the studio - its been raining here for almost a month - I'm into that but it starts to bring me down after this much. A bad day for Martha-- -

june 2, 2003-- did a Blowoff show last night with Bob-- had a great time - the music was good and the crowd was a blast-- things loosened up at the end and a good time was had by all. Rob and Paddy came down as well- although they kept their shirts on. A friend of John G's took a couple pictures- check it out.

june 1,2003-- two of the poppies in the yard bloomed today. For the last 3 years the plant only produced one bud- for some reason this year it had 5 buds. The first and biggest bud was knocked down in a rain storm. It's a big bright red flower. It reminds me of when I was kid and my friend Jack's dad would grow poppies. The funny thing about poppies is that the flower is so beautiful but the plant itself looks like an over grown dandelion.

Bob dj'd at a party down at pulp (a store in dc). It was fun- afterwards we went out for dinner. There were seven plus jay at dinner. That's a lot for me. It was ok- I think I prefer smaller groups- I don't go out all that often and sometimes I feel awkward with large groups. I drove marc home afterwards and he asked if I had met and become friends with a lot of guys in the past couple of months- I realized that in the past 6 months I've probably met more people then in the past 5 years- not counting work and traveling etc-- just guys who are becoming friends. Its funny cause I'm such an old man at this point I wouldn't have figured I'd be making any new friends. A lot of the guys I've met I met through Blowoff and Bob and Kevin- Its fun for now- maybe tomorrow I'll stay in again.

may 31, 2003-- me and Nick went out with Marc and Shawn - and 2 friends of Shawn's from VA - the Kevin and Lyle -- they were cool- kind of old school homo's - very sweet and very into music. We went to a Thai joint- the food was good but I couldn't tell if our waiter was a boy or a girl- I also couldn't understand a word he-she said. It reminded me of the joke about the truck driver and the hitch hiker -the punch line is- "It don't matter I'm going to fuck you anyway"....... I guess thats always the punch line.

may 30, 2003-- been putting together music for Blowoff on sunday. When I was down at deep dish yesterday Christian hooked me up with some great tracks- including this bootleg mix of "obsession"and this new track deep dish did with p-diddy. Craig called me from Japan- (he's there with the Ananda Project )--said its a trip and the jet lag makes it all even more crazy. Played with the band tonight . Had fun --all guitar stuff.

may 29, 2003-- went down to the Deep Dish office today to meet with Christain about remixing some new records they're putting out-one is a new Sander Kleinenberg track and the other is by Luke Wan- they're both funky--he also hooked me up with some dope white labels- and a copy of the song deep dish did with puffy---also met with Kurosh and talked loosly about the plan for the new Morel album- afterwards hooked up with Bob for coffee. We ran into a couple of the guys and hung out for a bit.

I Heard back from the Pretenders camp-- they love love the remix I did--that's cool-- I still rember when I was in junior high and got their first record--with "mystery achievement" and "brass in pocket"---Its funny how life works-----Today is a good day.

may 26, 2003- 4:00 a.m. -- worked in the studio most of the day- I'm finished up a dub version of a remix I did for the Pretenders- a song called "time"- spoke with my dad as well-this week is will be manic-- have finish up lose ends on some mixes and remixes I'm doing- also have to put together some songs to send to Alison Moyet - hope that works because I'm a big fan--

may 25, 2002-- went out to see Loudbomb tonight at the black cat-the band was sounded great and I had fun- hung with marc and Shawn and Jim- all guys I've met recently because of Blowoff and Bob- Been working sporadically the past week - on remixes and new stuff- everything seems fragmented but tied together. My head's been stuck on the same thing for the past year- I've been writing about it which has been great. ..Its changing now and I'm not sure where I'll end up. Will everything change or just somethings.Its all good though --because I really am up for anything.. My ears don't ring anymore.

may 10, 2003--5:30 A.M.---- went out with Bob and Kevin for dinner early friday night- had fun. Got back around midnight and Sharam called and asked me to come down to a club he was spinning at in DC. - I decided to go down and hang out- The club was packed-- at one point some big ass black bouncer tried to kick me out of the dj booth- Sharam turned the music off and told the guy to get the owner or shut up- at this point the bouncer called us "mother fucking niggers"-the crowd of course was applauding waiting for more music- The night got better from there......It was good to hang with Sharam- its always cool when we actually get to see each other. He played "Driving To Heaven" and the entire place sang along---.I'm glad I went - its late and I'm crashing..

may 6, 2003--played with the band tonight- mostly jam and beat.We played a fractured cover a cinnamon girl- Had a good weekend- went out with Nick and Marc Friday- low Saturday and Sunday. It's my mom's birthday today."Momma scribbled this note for the living."

april 30, 2003 --- late night last night- after the Cheap Trick show we wound up at kingpin- me-nick-john-pat and rob- turned into a late night of talking-smoke and you know the drill. Its funny- I haven't seen Cheap Trick since I was 16 -- by the end of the night I realized I haven't changed much at all. I can't speak for the other guys but I think the same is true for them as well. The only difference is now I say outloud more of what I'm thinking--more not all.The words that are left out are understood anyway.

Went down to Bob's this afternoon -- hung out downtown with Bob and Kevin -- had fun. Met some guy who comes to the Blowoff shows as well. Nice guy.

Finished up my Pretender's remix and sent up to the label. I played on sunday at the Blowoff show - it pumped.

april 29, 2003-- did a blowoff show with Bob sunday night- had a great time. The crowd was great- handsome plus.The show got me back on the page in way. Been in a down spot which is why I haven't written anything here. Its cool now though because my view of everything is changing. I'm not sure where I'm heading but anything new seems like a good plan. Last year's vibe doesn't interest me at all- I finished a new Pretenders remix. I'm psyched about that as well- I'm going to see Cheap Trick tonight. I haven't seen them since---1979----wow--

april 2- 2003---- paddy came by early- had dinner. Looked good. Band played- sounded good. My perspective lately is completely fucked up. The more I hang outside my own kind the more out of it I feel. I haven't felt like this since I was around 18-- and that was a long time ago. I'm not into it at this point- Last year it was cool because I could pull ideas from it and use them in songs. Now it's just a pain in the ass. Things change cause they never change.

march 30-2003-- did a BLOWOFF night with Bob at the velvet lounge in dc. It was great . The crowd was handsome--the music was good- Bob said the boys got laid.

march 28 -2003---I've been thinking about how many songs were written about the Vietnam war. This war as an effect on me but I can't imagine writing a song about it. It influences my work on in a nother way. I think that's because it has an effect on everyone. Its this awareness you feel but never talk about . It's made me believe that we are all more connected. It forces me to remember that we are all just men. That's ok. Some of you are great men. Thanks.

march 27, 2003--- played with the band tonight - we have a show in DC next saturday the 5th. Watching the war coverage some. It's funny how there can be such a big world event and you can still get hung up on the same shit at home. It's been tuff to hang with people lately- not because of the war scene - just because. I'm not good at talking about stuff anyway . Besides no one likes a cry baby.

march 25, 2003--- finished up the extended mix of "Cabaret" for the 12 inch single for Yoshitoshi. I did a mix of "Radio Clash" that Craig sent out to the band.

march 24, 2003--- went downtown and hung with Bob this afternoon- we went out for coffee around dupont- the day was beautiful. It was nice to get out and see the guys around dc.Spring seems to have arrived in everyway. I think guys work out more in the spring -- at least the homo guys that hang around dupont circle.Not that I care much about that anyway..

march 22-2003--- my folks came by. I haven't seen my dad in a while. There's a moment when you notice how much older your oldman is now. It made me sad.You always think he knows you love him. Today's my birthday.

march 21-2003---the War has really wrapped around everything. The coverage on TV is incredible.The real reality tv. It occupies the same space in my head that music and sex and sleep does. It also forces me to see myself as part of something bigger. The war has made my work become fractured. I think that is a good thing for now. The rest is smooth. Playing a show on April 5 at the Velvet Lounge in DC.

march 7, 2003--- played music tonight. Been out of it lately. Incredibly disconnected from everything and everyone. The phone's a fucking hassle.

feb 28, 2003 -- 12:53 am--- snowed in again. Paddy came by and hung out a bit. Not sure where I'm at with this blogger thing. When I first started it last year my head was in a different space. Everything was external and electric. It was easy to write. Now everything is internal and slow moving. See. It's tuff to represent in this form. See.I can't talk details anyway-

feb. 24, 2003---did a Blowoff dj show with Bob last night...all good....Afterwards me and Nick went out with John and his buddy John to eat.

feb. 22- 2003--- Got some water in the studio-- not so bad considering. "I've got the studio blues-- & some more bad news - The basements been swamped by a flood--I've got the studio blues -- And its ruined my shoes--My boogie's all covered with mud"

feb. 21, 2003--3:13 a.m.-- been working on tracks and mixes for the Blowoff show . Paddy stopped by for a bit. As always it was good to see him. Funny stuff. He was convinced you could feel where the needles marked his skin when he was tattooed. I couldn't feel it. I tried.

feb. 17, 2003-- drove downtown and went out to dinner with Nick. We went to a french place in Dupont Circle. The owner was sweet- he was a fat french pig-- but sexy none the less. Heaven loves you when you're a boy.

feb. 16, 2003--- snowed in. Check out the movie.

Feb. 15, 2003-- worked with Bob on a new Blowoff song-- it's a heavy disco-samply track that he had put together - sounds great. We're supposed to get a lot of snow here tonght and tomorrow.

feb. 14, 2003-- 11:30 pm-- went with Bob to a record store in Baltimore - afterwards we came here and tweeked the mix of "Hormone Love"-- sounds great.

feb 14, 2003----- The drain pipe is fixed but they have to come back and fill the hole up in the driveway.Played tonight-- had fun- John had a new hairdo- very handsome.- Went out with Paddy to pick up valentine gifts.Nick just walked in. Hi Rob.

Feb 7,2003---sometimes I wonder how many songs I can write about the same thing. Then I realized that the theme changes - because - I change- and everything changes around that. Its all about perspective and point of view -- a song is about the view of the deal at that moment--and that is never the same. Where have I been? I was down in it. And I covered everything about it. Now Everything looks different. Sure I still get a hard on- but after a while that just starts to piss me off.

Been doing this BLOWOFF thing with Mr. Mould-- and been playing songs with my band. The deal there is that we're all in a room playing songs about what's going on between us. Its cool because half the time its it's all connected to everything that 's been making me push lately. Its all very guy. The rub is I'm careing less and less about it . On top of it all my drain pipe broke.

aug. 20,2002- been rehearsing for a show in dc Sat- otherwise things sre the same.