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july 13 , 2004 -- You have a simple understanding that the people on your side are on your side. If this proves not to be true everything you are working for becomes tarnished. I can be as difficult as the next guy - but my loyalties never shift. I expect the same from others. When I was a kid music from the A.M. radio would make a trip with my old man to the Star market a great adventure. Now music represents a business that does all it can to suck the wonder out of it. The one thing that enabled me to get through adolescence and all the troubles and good times of my adult life has been music. If there is any wonder as to why the music business is in trouble I think the answer lies here: Those running the business have forgotten about the beauty and freedom which is at the center of music and instead focus on the dollars. They are trying to control something that is ephemeral and something who's value lies in being true. I know I'm being a bit of a romantic about it, but anyone who's experienced the effect of being turned on to an album for the first time - or hearing a great song for the first time out of a boom box on the beach or at a club, or in the car--- knows what I mean. july 10, 2004 -- After years of dealing with super egos my patience is gone. The back story is too long and also not right for consumption here. After a week of bullshit I'm finding it hard to get back in the drivers seat. Years of the music business as taken the music. The sad part is I'm not mad anymore. I'm indifferent. I always catch myself thinking - "If I can get there everything will be all right". Now I keep thinking "If I could just get back there everything would be all right." The good part : I have friends and people I'm working with who get it. I can hang, play and listen with them. Thanks. july 2, 2004 - I met Marlon Brando in 1986 while living in L. A. I was catering with a buddy of mine at the time. We got hooked into working for a ton of Hollywood celebs. I was cooking at a small dinner party at a photographer's house in the Hollywood Hills. Brando was a guest. He came into the kitchen after every course and asked me for seconds. At one point he came in and dipped the extra lamb chops directly in the sauce on the stove. It was me and Brando in the kitchen, eating and chatting about food. I kept looking at him thinking about the man he had been and the man he then was. He was charming and sexy because of who he was. I remember laughing to myself while smiling at him. He laughed as well . I was happy.
1924 - 2004 BLOWOFF this Saturday night. June 28, 2004 - Further information will be placed here later. The signs were all here . "You can come if you want to"... june 25 , 2004 - 5:47 a.m.- I went to the beach for a couple days. Nice time. Below is a picture of me and my dad. We are by the light pole.
Lots of loose ends to cover here. Up late messing in the studio. Doing a remix of an old morel song, "The Stoning Of Steven". Here's a dope online 12 inch site- beatport. Soon I will never have to leave the house. june 19, 2004 -5:30 a.m. - I watched a beautiful movie, "The Straight Story" . In an age of pessimism this movie has a subtle beauty, and a warm sense of optimism. Its about how we put up walls between ourselves and others, and how to take them down. "All my buddies faces are still young ". june 15, 2004 - Tonight's "Queer as Folk" featured a Pink Noise song of mine called "No Makes Me Lonely pt. 2". I hadn't seen the show in a while. It appears the boys in Pittsburgh like Apple computers and gay football players. june 14, 2004 --5:00 a.m. Fun weekend. Good time and good music with Bob at Blowoff . Sunday evening I went downtown with Nick. We ran into a friend from Baltimore. We wound up going to the WW2 memorial. I like it. I like it most because I think it is appropriate. I also like that ducks hang out in the reflecting pools. I think its best to visit the monuments in the evening because of the lighting. Originally there was a lot of controversy surrounding the construction of the WW2 memorial. Many thought it would screw with the vista from the Lincoln memorial to the Washington monument, and ruin the mall as a result. I always thought the point of the mall was the monuments. The funny thing is that for all of its granite, bronze and water, the most moving part of the WW2 monument is the old black and white photos of young American soldiers left along the memorial's wall by surviving family members. It's always the individuals that make a story resonate. june 10, 2004 -- 4:00 a.m. I went to the barber shop today with Nick. Sterling was there with a guy Frank- who works for the metro. The barber shop is my door into a part of my neighborhood I would otherwise not know. Since I keep my hair short- I'm there a lot. The talk is usually political. Its fun to hang there. There's something very old timey about it. Crazy weekend here in DC. Reagan is in town so Friday will be a Holiday. Blowoff is Saturday night. Madonna will be here Sunday night... Something for everyone. june 9 , 2004 -- 5:05 a.m. I had a meeting with my label today. Afterwards I had coffee and fun in in dc with Nick and Bob. We ran into many DC friends. Everyone was talking about Reagan. I've been stuck thinking about all the anger buzzing towards a dead president. It reminded me of the anger, fear and frustration that covered me in the 80's. Midway I realized that my anger has nothing to do with him. I'm mad at the realization that 80's America didn't give a fuck about me and mine. We were disposable. In some way I feel we still are. I think once you are thrown away its hard to ever believe you are wanted. For those of you who weren't there here's a clue: people suffering with aids were afraid to say it out loud because of the views of the country. That's how crazy things were. The judgment was no less harsh within the homo community itself. There was a clear division between those with and those without. My friend Mark told me his lungs were fucked up because of exposure to "dark room chemicals". My roommate Greg told me he had chronic salmonella. I'm well aware of my role in all of it. I fully accept it. I never expected anyone to pull me out . I just hoped that someone would say : "They are us". I'm still waiting. june 6, 2004 - 2:20 a.m. For the past four weeks I've been helping with Nick's recovery after his appendix burst. When your appendix bursts they have to leave the wound open after surgery so the infection can drain. I've been changing the packing and bandage for the past 4 weeks. Now here's the thing: with all the damage and infection caused by his burst appendix , the treatment of the wound has had an almost cleansing effect on both of us. The dynamic of a relationship changes when you are forced to deal with something as vulnerable as an open wound . Often in relationships one can't or won't deal with the humanness of the other. A wound is as human as we get. This is true in both a literal and a metaphorical way. Our humanness is the most important part of us all. It is the sole reason we are attractive, and ugly. Safe and exposed. Sexy and repulsive. Feared and loved. Full and empty. The people who stay when you are wounded are really your friends. Its important to know this before you leave.
june 4, 2004 - I'm at the beach hanging with my dad who is a WW2 vet. He's a tuff old man at this point. His view of today's war are conservative. He thinks the flap over the Iraqi prison abuse pics was blown out of proportion. My dad says he was treated worse when he came back from leave drunk while he was in the service: "you'd be stripped naked, put in the brig and beaten with the butts of the guards riffles. You'd come out black and blue at the least. A lot of the guys who get into prison guard work are sadists... it's a tuff deal. That's the way it is..." Not sure what it all means, but I liked hearing him tell it. Sorry, I don't have pictures. june 2, 2004 --1:01 a.m. Nick has the best stereo. He has my dad's 35 year old receiver and a pair of Infinity book shelve speakers. All the mp3s sound so good. They sound like music used to sound when I was a kid. When I was kid playing records on my dad's stereo. Nick has the best stereo. may 26, 2004 --- I watched Taxi Driver last night. I Hadn't seen it since the 70's. The thing that struck me was how much of it was like a classic film noir flick. At the time of its release it seemed so fresh and ahead of itself. Now it appears in line stylistically, visually and musically to any classic Billy Wilder movie , right on down to De Niro's narration. I still love Taxi Driver, but not for the same reasons. may 23, 2004 - packed house at Blowoff last night. Too much fun. Was talking with a buddy who comes down from Baltimore today. The dope thing about Blowoff is that it has all the sexy going on - plus much more. Sometimes you forget that fun makes everybody sexy . Thanks to all who come out -- you're the reason Blowoff is the bomb. Love Dick. may 22, 2004 -- Tonight is the last Blowoff before me and Bob take a break. I'm looking forward to it. I've lived in DC for about 13 years and have made more friends at Blowoff then I had in the 11 years prior to it. It is my funtime. Thanks to everyone. Here's a link to a metro weekly note . Not sure what it all means , but Christopher is a dope dancer and that always makes the music sound better. may 19, 2000 -- The poppy in my back yard, which nick gave me 4 years ago, is blooming today. It lasts for about 2 days, 3 at best. If we get a hard rain it will last only one afternoon. I will look at it throughout the day. I think about it often through out the year. It is my favorite flower for a number of reasons, but primarily because it is ephemeral.
may 12, 2004 -- Joel -Peter Witkin was really ahead of the curve in capturing us. Sivits' work, while referencing Witkin's, has been able to reach a much larger audience then Witkin ever reached throughout his career. Everything is derivative. Including reaction. Diptych.
may 11, 2004 -- 3:20 a.m. I learned how to dress a wound. Fun day with Bob in the studio and elsewhere. Feeling calm and delighted after a lot. Sometimes life seems to just go by. Other times you feel so in it, it becomes over whelming. The thing is you never know where you are until it changes. I learned how to dress a wound. Its probably something I should have learned years ago. It changes your relationship. For the better. may 7, 2004 -- 3:30 a.m. So you get to the hospital. Your buddy, in pain, is filling out an entry form and the nurse says to you: "Are you family or friend?" You hesitate. Not because you don't know, but because you realize at that moment you've been with your buddy for eleven years to the day. The nurse, feeling your pause, says : "if you're "family" you can go in the back with him for all the testing"... So you say :"Family". So you start thinking about eleven years.You realize that in eleven years the words "friends" or "family" both apply but neither is fully accurate, legally or otherwise. But those are the words that are available to define your relationship at that moment. You say: "family ". She says "great" and smiles. You go back into the emergency room and spend the next 24 hours putting "appendicitis" into your scrap book. A scrap book that legally represents two friends - but in every other way is much, much more than that. april 29 , 2004 - a boat load to do and the sunshine has made it impossible to focus or care much. Spent Wednesday with Sharam . While working on an edit of "No Stopping For Nicotine" we found our common ground while talking about where we'd been. I’m gonna win
it It is a man's world - no doubt about it. april 27, 2004 - spent yesterday hanging with Deep Dish. I hung at their studio and then took a ride out to the new house that Sharam is building in VA. So far its just the foundation with the room dividers . It is huge. The plans include, a wine cellar , an elevator and a boat load of bathrooms and bedrooms..... I'm smiling now thinking about Sharam guiding me through what will be built. The cool part is not that Sharam is building a phat house in VA . The cool part is that he moved here at 15 years old from Iran and has been able to start a successful record label ,achieved rock star dj status, and become an American citizen. This from a kid who moved here because his boyhood peers were being forced to walk through mine fields during Iran's war with Iraq. I like to rib him about it - he says: "The American dream baby...." Sometimes I think its easier to see the dream when you come from a place with out one. april 26, 2004 Twenty years ago (4-24-84) U.S. researchers headed by Dr. Robert Gallo announced that they had isolated the cause of AIDS and called the virus HTLV-3. The sad part -- we have had this information and the knowledge of how hiv it is transmitted for twenty years and people are still getting hiv infection today. Respect your life and others. april 22 , 2004 - Since yesterday I've been running around fixing cars, computer monitors and laptops --- Bob had alerted me to Mercury being in retrograde. Who knew the planets could mess things up? After talking with Jack and writing a bit about Mark- I dug out this photo. Here's the story : This picture was taken in the back yard of Mark's house in Somerville Mass. We used to stay up all night doing coke and talking about everything from art to gossip, Prince to Dead or Alive . I still remember that sinking feeling when the sun would start to come up and you'd realize the night was over and the new day was here. One thing we rarely did was talk politics. In fact I have no memories of having any political talks with any of my friends at that time in my life. We were more focused on aesthetics, music and art, getting laid and getting high. Ahhh- the good old days.
morel pic- 1985 mark morrisroe strung out in a garden made of polaroids - too much hype for two april 20, 2004 --12:37 p.m. - I talked to Jack yesterday about the artwork for the new cd. Jack's cool because he's very relaxed about everything. Every artist has a different way. His is really laid back and smooth. Jack's thing now is "quotes". He thinks they are so trashy and bad that they are cool. We wound up reminiscing over when we first became friends 20 years ago. We had slightly different views on the details but agreed that it was a good time for both of us. Mark Morrisroe introduced Jack to me. Mark did everything he could to stop Jack and me from becoming friends. He told me not to be friends with Jack and Jack not to be friends with me. Mark also told Jack that I was his boyfriend - this wasn't true. It sounds kind of high school but it was more psycho then that. Mark was an odd possessive type- very intense and strangely charismatic. Mark was one of the most talented artists I've ever hung with. He died before he really made it out. His work was way ahead of the curve.
"Mark said he'd be queen of the highway and love was really sad..." april 19, 2004 - a.m. Weekend fun started Friday and continued through Sunday ending at a small basement pub in Baltimore with friends I've made at Blowoff. When I lived in LA back in the 80's (I was 24 years old) I was hanging with a guy who was about 30 years older then I was. The thing that I found to be the most sexy about him was his history. Its as if being with him I would be able to get a sense of his past plus gain from all of his experiences. He had a dope Harley . Plus he was totally manic and I never knew where the hell we would wind up. His name was Tom and this morning I miss him. "I still have last night in my body - I wish you were with me" "David" (Tim Delux Mix) - Gus Gus
april 15, 2004 - 11:05 p.m. Apparently romantic love lasts for about 18 months to three years. Its the window we always try to look out of. Its a strong cocktail . After that its all about living. Living is good. A funny show - Penn & Teller Bullshit april 12, 2004 --
morel cd cover option 1: "Lucky Strike" Jack Pierson track 8. AMERICAN FLAG april 9, 2004 -- 7:30 pm
april 8, 2004 - Yesterday Bob had link to a clown site which really hit my funny boner... while checking the site I found this pic and followed the link to photographer Mark Holthusen's site who's work is stunning and worth looking at. His work reminds me of a kinder , more gentle, digital version of Joel Peter Witkin. Nick gave me a huge Witkin book for Christmas a few years ago. His pictures are a bit of a downer around the holidays. I'm still not sure if I like the Witkin's photos or not. Maybe when I'm dead I can pose for one. ba da boom........ a note for the kids: without Witkin's ground breaking work I doubt that the Nine Inch Nails video for "closer" would have looked like it did. So much of it reminds me of Witkin's photography. That video is one of my all time favorite videos. april 7, 2004 - 5:00 a.m. --- went to see The Darkness tonight at the 9:30 club with Nick. A fun show. In an age of introspection they are surprisingly warm and light hearted. Afterwards we hooked up with Frank for a drink. Frank does sound for my band. He's a sweet guy. april 6, 2004 - busy week . I'm putting together the liner noters for the new Morel record. We'll be including "thanks". Initially I thought we shouldn't - not because I don't want to acknowlege all the people who hook me up and make getting up and doing my thing worthwhile - but because I figured if you thank no one- then no one would accidently be left out. The truth is I have been very blessed to know, work with, dance with and love many people. Today I feel lucky. Thanks. april 5, 2004 Bully for you. ...... I'm a monkey - man.
april 2, 2004 - late night last night - music and talk , politics. No one ever changes anyone's mind. Only events do that. Long day ahead. More monkey business, I saw a film on this years ago. Everyone's got a wire monkey some where in their backround. Blowoff this Saturday. april 1, 2004 -- 5:00 p.m. The thing you don't count on when you go for carry out is the thing that you count on when you stay at home. All the bad things that you think may happen as a result are balanced by good things. Why is that a surprise? Nothing is ever one sided - and nothing takes place in a vacuum. Especially love-- and that is what we are all talking about even when we call it sex or politics or hate or safety or war or loneliness. Its the love equation : Everything = X + or - love . Don't get me wrong - I'm not being a hippy here ( I can't stand hippies ) - I've just decided that love is the one electrical transaction that we keep going back for more. Like a monkey on cocaine - only it is both the monkey and the cocaine. I still don't believe in evolution. I have to go downtown now and deal with all the monkeys on cocaine. And share a bit of both
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