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march 30, 2004 -- 5:00 a.m.

Ali sent me a new track they want me to mess with . Very cool- kinda OMD - 80's thing. Plus he promised to hook me up with a new mix of "Shout" -- one of my all time favorite 80's records. I still remember the first time I heard "Shout" out at a club in the 80's - (Spit on Landsdown st. in Boston on a Sunday night). Nothing sounded as tight as that record.

Blowoff was fun this weekend.

Up late talking. Is a relationship defined from with in it or from the outside? I think its both.

march 26 , 2004 - 4:00 a.m. - I'm half wop . . The past couple weeks it seems to be the dominant half. I was thinking how all my grandfather's behavior is now pumping through me. Everything is genetic - don't kid yourself.

You'd think when you do more of something it would become less appealing. Sometimes the opposite is true.

I am flawed because man is flawed.

The flaws are what makes man sexy.

Blowoff tomorrow tight.

Been messing in the studio with an old Isley Brothers song.

march 22, 2004 - 42 years. Ouch.

march 19, 2004 - 5:00 a.m.

Went down to Deep Dish office today.

Tonight I was talking and trading files with Dean Coleman - He did a phat mix of "If you love me" for the new record. A nice guy in Atlanta. He gave me a great Cold Play mix he did as well.

Listened to records all night. Some records more than once.

march 18, 2004 -1:55 a.m. Interesting poll. Pick your vacation spots.

march 17 - 2004 ---As a kid I was always kind of embarrassed by the Irish half of my family . I have about 30 cousins (Irish catholic of course) and memories of lots of awkward communication that would often turn volatile after cocktails on that side of the family. That changed. Now being in line with all all good Irish men - I'm convinced that the Irish truly are the bomb. Here's to the sexy Irish. Happy St. Paddy's day.

march 16, 2004 -- My folks are visiting. My dad built a frame for a mirror in my living room. Its a big mirror and he built a frame to match the trim in the house. My house is an arts and crafts bungalow. Its a Sears and Roebuck bungalow built in 1927. It has a lot of heavy wood framing. My dad was born in 1927 as well.

march 12, 2004 -2:51 a.m. -- Heads up to my buddies Deep Dish - who took home 2 Dancestar awards the other night- Best Dj and Best Compilation (Global Underground ). Now those guys are gonna really ride me about tightening up the hi-hats-------- hahhaaa.

march 10, 2004 -12:00 p.m.

Things don't always turn out as planned.

I went to a debate on global warming a couple years ago at M.I.T.. They had two groups of the top scientist from each side of the argument stating their case. The conclusion , to my surprise, was that both sides agreed that there were far to many variables in either model to make an accurate prediction. When this was realized they all kinda laughed as if we were all let in on a super nerd joke. I was with a particularly nerdy buddy of mine who found this joke funny.

This isn't about global warming- I frankly couldn't care less about it (I still don't believe in evolution and there are way better arguments for that one). One of the big problems, among many , with all the models was wind. Apparently wind is a major variable and virtually impossible to model or predict. I think emotions are like wind and make us all do totally fucked up and unpredictable things. They are also the one thing I tend to leave out of the model when I'm predicting what will happen. I think they also tend to heat the place up.

March 10, 2004 - 1:47 a.m.-- played with the band tonight till around midnight. John was a bit buzzed on arrival after trying to make money at the pool hall. We learned "If you love me" - I realized I only sang that song when I recorded the demo a couple years ago and not since. That original vocal is the vocal on the mix- and the remix on the new record. Because of the way everything is recorded now its easy to move the vocal even as the song changes and develops.

march 8 2004 - - up early this morning for home improvement. Which of course makes me think of Martha Stewart ( we were looking at some of her paint samples, very soft and understated...)--while watching the morning news - these thoughts:

Federal Investigators lie all the time in order to get information while questioning suspects. In fact it is one of the primary tools they use to get a confession. Martha was found guilty of lying to the feds during an investigation into a crime that could not be prosecuted or substantiated. Lets make the rules the same for the man and for the boy.

Ken Lay still hasn't been charged with any crime even though he was the ceo of Enron at the time of its fall. The bourgeoisie are simply getting their envy suppressed by the feds knock down of a rich and famous person. (And I think this is pathetic at best). The feds scare me. I'm with the rednecks on that.

Both parties use envy as a way of not talking about the issues. The right uses envy in its description of affirmative action- and the left when it chants "tax cuts for the rich". Both of these distractions leave no room for a dialogue about the ideas behind the policies. In effect we're being sucked into a class war because of our own envy and greed. Martha's take down by the prosecutors falls into this war. She did break the law, which given her resources is unexplainable - but the feds would never have allocated our resources to prosecute an an unknown for the same indiscretions.

sin # 2 Envy "Envy according to the aspect of its object is contrary to charity, whence the soul derives its spiritual life... Charity rejoices in our neighbor's good, while envy grieves over it."

My weekend was the bomb - blowoff was great - thanks to the guys who show up.

march 5, 2004 -2:40 a.m.- I just got this record:" I try" - Made By Monkeys (Dave Dresden mix) on *69 records -- it is completely the bomb. Once again music trumps. Can't wait to play it.

march 4, 2004 -7:35 p.m. - I've always had a soft spot for the brit music scene - here's one more reason why:

JUSTIN HAWKINS: In the current climate, in a culture where almost every musician is using his middle finger as a gesture, it's more rebellious to be positive and do that [thumbs up]. And be positive and try and unite people, and to that extent that's become a punk gesture on one level.
And also if you're trying to encourage people to clap at the end, they're often holding a glass of beer in their teeth and that's dangerous. I wouldn't want to put our kids through that -- we've got a responsibility to them. So one thumb's fine. Hold the glass carefully, don't spill it, don't drop it, don't roll around in broken glass. Just give us the thumbs up, and we'll be on our way.

Haaahaa.... I'm loving these guys....... check the dirt.

march 4, 2004 -4:30 a.m. - I went down to the deep dish studio today. Hung with Ali. I picked up a dope new deep dish record called "FlashDance".

Afterwards I stopped by a rally for gay marriage at the HRC building in DC .

On the late night news they showed a 37 year old cbs documentary called "The Homosexuals". At one point they are interviewing a homosexual who is sitting behind a house plant to conceale his face. This was funny and sad. Nick noticed there was sheet music on a stand behind the house plant.

march 3 , 2004 - Played with the band tonight. Afterwards John Gorelski came by. I always like seeing him.

march 2 , 2004 -2:44 a.m.There's a strange thing that happens when you're dealing with mortality .I remember seeing it for the first time in the 80's when my friend and roommate had the m.f.a. (that "mother fucker aids" as Joey would call it). You find yourself talking about everything that is going on and not really ever addressing what really is going on. Maybe if you don't talk about it - it won't happen. So instead you talk about simple things like family or movies or paint colors. I guess that's human nature. Who the fuck wants to focus on the end anyway?

My old man landed in the hospital again today. No big deal- he's fine- but he's spending to much time there. And it makes me sad.

March 1, 2004 - 10:14 a.m.

I'm having my tea and watching the news.

In a world where foundations are continually breaking down, everything we do is an effort to stop and hold on. From body building to tattooing, its as if the center of our effort to control always comes down to the immediacy of physical and emotional needs. Its easy to get hung up on the way the world turns. How come while everyone's fighting about the government I'm stuck thinking about the small things? Like holding on.

feb 27, 2004 - 2:30 a.m.- Went downtown to have dinner with a buddy. I was going to hook up with friends afterwards for drinks and shirtless conversation but came home instead. Blowoff on Saturdays is pretty much my weekly fun.

Craig sent me some new music - I'm loving a new cd by Pete Moss -Its very deep house (brit) with smooth vocals.

And this record is the bomb ---"Get You're Hands Off Of My Woman"..mother fucker.

feb 26, 2004 - Went down to the Deep Dish offices today to drop off a new mix of "Under A Disco" for the Yoshitoshi WMC sampler cd. Its a tight mix. It has bit more guitar then most of the four on the floor disco fair that booms all over Miami during the conference. I'm not going down this year. I've been down 4 times before. Miami really isn't my scene. If you're into silicone, sun tan oil and cha cha queens then I suggest you go. I do love the architecture and Cuban influence in Miami but when its over run with dj's its a bit hard to feel it. If you go down to Miami there's a cool little museum in the deco district called the Wolfsonian. It has a dope collection of German , American, and Italian political propaganda posters and art work. Very sexy stuff worth checking out.

Afterwards I hooked up with Bob. We hung out and walked around his neighborhood - stopping off for coffee and drinks. I had fun.

feb 25, 2004 --5:30 a.m. -Nick's been helping on the mixing. Although his patience is wearing thin --- he always has solid advice. The cool thing is that he doesn't know specifics - he just knows what he feels when he listens. So when I play him a mix he speaks very generally about it. If a mix is slamming he's quick to point that out. He's also quick to say- "You're fucking this up - the earlier mix is better" Ha aa-- it only takes me 2 weeks to figure that out.

feb 23, 2004 -3:00 a.m. I played an old Smiths song last night -"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore" :

"I've seen this happen in other peoples lives and now its happening in mine"

Being a man is good because being a man is simple. Often the events that I thought would have a monumental effect in my life are just part of a day. I guess we're designed to pass through human behavior on our way to the end. As much as there's time for second guessing and rehashing there's not room in my head for more than one thought at a time. These thoughts can and do change quickly. I remember when I was quitting smoking. At the moments that I would be thinking about smoking- smoking would be all I could think about. That holds true for everything that I think about - from love - to work - to my dick etc.

I'm not making excuses. You do have to go to the Fair before you can ride the ride.

Something happens when you hit 40 - for convenience I'll call it a "mid-life crisis". I see it more has a shift in perspective. Its more of a crisis for the people around me then it is for me anyway. I believe the "mid-life crisis" centers on this question :

How much longer of a window do I have to be relevant in this world and to those who are younger?

On the simple guy front: my dick would like to be relevant- for some time. Being a guy gives me a decent window here. But that thought alone makes me do things that jeopardizes the rock on which I am standing. On the more emotional side- I'm not so sure. I've always thought that being a homo was actually an acute state of arrested development. I also realize my ego is the center of everything from my hard-on to my next record. In other words: I'm into it when someone is into me. Simple. For a man the fall back into adolescence isn't that far of a fall. After living through my 30's it may be a step up.

The saving grace in all of this mess is that as you ponder these questions you start to care less and less about them. Instead you find yourself enjoying the fruit. Which brings me back to my point: Being a man is good because being a man is simple.

feb 21-- 2:00 A.M. - This process is different then before.I always forget. I get myself distracted then get back on it. Now at 2:00 in the morning I have a clue how to mix the one song that has been burying me for the past 3 weeks. Sometimes you have to listen to what's around you in order to figure things out. Listen.

Tomorrow is Blowoff -

Morel blog:12/03-2/04